Thoughts on Aviation

? The three most common expressions in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Shit!” ? Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant ? Airspeed, altitude or brains: two are always needed to successfully complete the flight ? I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous ? We have a perfect record in aviation: we never left one up there! ? “Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I Am At 80,000 Feet and Climbing” – Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena AB Okinawa ? You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3 – Paul F Crickmore ? The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time ? If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter – and unsafe ? Federal Aviation Regulations are written by lawyers to promote violations and lawsuits ? Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries ? Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it ? An accident investigation attempts to place blame on the hapless for brief lapses ? To err is human; to forgive divine – and neither is FAA policy ? When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten – Robert Livingston, ‘Flying The Aeronca’ ? The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire – Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, sometime before his death in the 1920s ? If you can’t afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can afford to do it wrong – Charlie Nelson ? I hope you either take up parachute jumping or stay out of single-motored airplanes at night – Charles A. Lindbergh to Wiley Post, 1931 ? Never fly the ‘A’ model of anything – Ed Thompson ? When a prang seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible – Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII ? The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you – Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot ? A pilot who doesn’t have any fear probably isn’t flying his plane to its maximum – Jon McBride, astronaut ? Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you – Richard Herman Jr., ‘Firebreak’ ? It only takes two things to fly: airspeed and money ? What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies ? It’s better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground ? Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club ? If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to ? I give that landing a 9… on the Richter scale

Basic Flying Rules:

? Try to stay in the middle of the air ? Do not go near the edges of it ? The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space – it is much more difficult to fly there